Chapter 2: Starting Over

Since I'm on chapter two, it might be obvious I'm at a new beginning. I mean, not The Beginning, because I was too little to write back then. It's just a restart. Life 2.0 or something like that. Well, more like 5.3 because I've had a few traumatic resets. And don't get me wrong, this last reset was a kind of trauma, too.

It was also a relief.

So here it is, another beginning.

Not as drastic as new beginnings on Doctor Who. Still the same face, the same wardrobe. Still the same TARDIS--oh, wait. Damn, still don't have one of those. Some childhood dreams are doomed to never be fulfilled.

I should check into that wardrobe thing, though. Might do me some good to change my image up a bit.

More than purple hair, that is. Which has faded out. And now looks lavender in spots and white in others, with copious amounts of my natural hair color...and whoa, that's not the point. Wardrobe is not hair.

Wardrobe is not change.

A friend of mine congratulated me on rebirthing myself, and asked if I had tips to share. I really don't. I would have stayed longer in my comfort zone if I could have. Even when it was painful and scary, it was comfortable not having to be strong.

And right now, I'm still a giant baby. I'm surviving only thanks to the kindness of my family (who in all honesty are kinda stuck with me now, probably for a lot longer than they'd like). I already owe them more than I'll ever be able to pay back, and it's frustrating that I just can't walk on my own. I'm not good at these sorts of things.

You keep going. You accept that there will be bad days, days when you don't see you've made any progress at all, and you let them fall behind you. Don't dwell. Don't beat yourself up. If you feel like you can fly and you can solve all your problems that day with plenty to spare, you do that. If you fall short, you accept that. If you spend a week feeling like you can't even crawl, then you inch forward and don't be scared to ask for help.

And oh, that's the one I suck at. I can't stand to ask for help.

But I keep trying. I do what I can. And I don't let myself dwell on what I can't.

Because there's still a lot I can't.

That's okay. There's a lot of can't to go around. Nobody's perfect at everything, and nobody who is honest expects you to be, either.

I'm having a down day, where I'm a lot overwhelmed by a lot of things, but I'll get there. I might fall back a few steps, but I'm not standing still. I'm forcing myself forward. And I'm the only one I have to prove that to.