I grew up wishing for someone to rescue me. To save me from whatever situation I couldn't seem to motivate myself out of. That's what princesses did. They waited to be rescued, to be taken away to the prince's castle, to endure many hardships until the prince took her to his castle, and finally to live happily ever after.
I didn't really believe that would happen to me. Not literally. I'm not delusional. But I grew up on these stories, and I still had this idea that that's how things should work. I should keep my life on hold and endure until someone took me away to my new life. I would find true and epic love, and that would make all of my problems worth it in the end.
Yes. I totally bought into That Great Lie. The anti-feminist ideal that says I'm nothing without a man who will provide a home with a picket fence and all I have to do is raise our 2.5 children and make my man happy.
And the Prince Charmings who come to that call aren't princes, and after a while they're anything but charming.
It was after my last breakup that I realized what I was saying by wanting Prince Charming. I was saying I was a victim who needed saved. What kind of guy is attracted to victims? Predators.
I was begging for a predator in shining armor, little realizing how soon it would become tarnished.
On top of it all, it's a lot of pressure to put on would-be princes of the genuine kind. I wanted an idea, an ideal, and I had no idea what I wanted except "interested in me back". With my knockers, that's not too hard to find. But it's the aggressive ones who stuck their necks out for the sake of larger-than-average boobs and a face that wasn't hideous. Face optional, since guys don't generally tend to look that high. But I was so insecure and passive that I took it all at face value, and believed every word that locked me in as theirs alone.
At 16 I dated a guy who told me he would have to get an awesome job, because frankly I had no marketable skills. He was my Prince Charming at the time. I would have done anything for him, I was scared of losing him, and he needed to make sure I stayed that way. Because he wasn't a prince. And he wasn't charming.
And he wasn't the only one.
I'm no longer a "maiden fair". I am an unwed mother. My last relationship of ten years, I wasn't even worth the guy finding his ex-wife so he could get a divorce and marry me.
I'm a little bit bitter. But, I'm also a little bit grateful. Not to him, but to fate. I finally learned the Prince Charming fallacy. I don't want a knight in shining armor. I don't want a rescue. I want a good life, and I can do that on my own.
It's not anything new to many women out there, but this might be a new concept to a few little girls and teenagers. We're still taught the tales of old. We're still fed the sweet lies that promise better days if we shut up, endure, know our place, and need a rescue.
We live in a world where we can make our own happily ever afters. Where we can be charming and be equals to our partners of either gender. Where we can be satisfied in knowing that we've made our own dreams come true, and no man can take them away from us because they're our own.
Live in this world, not in the tales. Wake up, Princess. Wake yourself up and win your own battles, over IRS agents and property managers and anyone with "can't" on their lips. These are the dragons, the witches, the evil step-mothers of our day, and the princesses can't wait in captivity for someone else to fight anymore. We can do it.
Yes, we can.
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